The Wire Fox

The Little Foxes Newsletter

A New Experiment from

Little Foxes

Each year The Boss sends out lots of personalised Christmas cards, and each year gets lots of telephone calls and letters about them, so this year we’ve decided to branch out into something different in the form of a Newsletter. Please don’t take it too seriously, though, because – although we’ve tried to put the last twelve months events and happenings into the best possible order – we’ve struggled against considerable opposition. Notes have been sabotaged and eaten, pencils have disappeared never to be seen again in any recognisable form. Witnesses to most events have exaggerated and lied shamelessly, facts have been distorted and sensationalised (mainly by the Assistant Deputy Editor), and practically every resident of Little Foxes has done everything expedient to get their name into the newsletter. Staff reliability (no names) has been a continual problem. The language printed reflects the language used, and the Editor has asked me to point out that he is not responsible for the grammatical aspect of the newsletter, which he says abounds with split infinitives, dangling and unattached participles and mixed metaphors. I agree with him - although I haven’t a clue what he’s talking about – because I happen to like Butcher’s Tripe and he’s in charge of it.

Lottie - Assistant Editor

New Car

     The Boss’s husband finally traded in the old grid-iron he calls a car, and actually bought himself a new (well, new-ish) one.

Spokesman Bruno said he really couldn’t comment on the new car, because he hadn’t yet had chance to test drive it. He did add, though, if he had to sit in his run and look at the car all day, he would have preferred to have been consulted about the colour.

The only other comment came from a very concerned Mitzy, who managed to alarm the entire household by pointing out that the new car was far too small to collect the dog food.

An emergency ad-hoc meeting was convened in the kitchen to discuss what Mitzy insisted was a very desperate situation.


Mitzy suggested Lottie have a word with her special friend about using his big four-wheel drive vehicle, and Lottie said she’d think about it. This annoyed Mitzy, and she accused Lottie – who had her own independent income of butchers tripe – of being selfish.

Everybody started shouting at once and eventually The Boss came in from the stripping room to see what all the noise was about.

Unfortunately, Mitzy didn’t notice the sudden silence and continued yelling her head off about selfish so-called friends, and stupid car owners who couldn’t be bothered to buy decent sized cars.

The Boss hauled Mitzy off by the scruff of the neck, growling and kicking (Mitzy was growling and kicking, that is – not The Boss) and put her in a run in the lower garden, where she was told she could kick up as much fuss as she wanted - which, needless to say - Mitzy did.

A meeting was convened . . . .

Where Have All The Biscuits   Gone?

As usual, last Christmas, all the residents and boarders at Little Foxes each received a large square biscuit neatly wrapped in Christmas paper and individually labelled, and - as usual - all the dogs preferred somebody else’s. Except Mitzy, who preferred everybody else’s. Five biscuits were found in her cage where she’d been sitting on them. When interviewed by the authorities, Mitzy initially denied all knowledge of them, but later claimed she’d found them - adding that she knew they were lost because she’d seen all the other dogs looking for them. The biscuits were returned to their rightful owners.

Another Stamp Bites The    Dust!

Bruno’s managed to eat another one of The Boss's husband's rare stamps. Bruno’s point of view is that now there’s one less they should be more valuable. No comfort to The Boss's husband, of course, who only had the one in the first place and is unlikely to benefit from its scarcity value.

Molly Does Well!

Molly did very well at the Ruthin Dog Show this year, getting a couple of firsts and a second or two. Sam (It’s All Go Boy Wonder of Rolliecon) who also entered the show, didn’t do quite so well as far as he was concerned. Although he did come home with a couple of certificates, Sam’s idea of a successful show is how many of the bigger dogs tails he can bite when they least expect it.

Molly made a special friend of a St Bernard whilst she was at the show, and Sam was really put out he didn’t get chance to bite the St. Bernard’s tail.

Assistant Deputy Editor

Lottie to take on an assistant

Lottie was given permission by the Editor to take on an assistant; news of the editorial post was circulated, and Lottie was inundated with applications. It wasn't so much a case of choosing the best - but rather a job  of choosing the least worst. Gemma helped her sort out the list of hopefuls.

Bruno’s application was first and Lottie rejected it out of hand. She told Gemma she would sooner swim ten lengths of a main sewer than let Bruno near any paper she was responsible for. Gemma agreed.

Bella’s application was treated in a similar manner. Lottie claimed that Bella was the worst thief that Little Foxes had ever had and was the possessor of the most appalling criminal record. Bella, in turn, insisted that she was a reformed character and demanded that Lottie get a second opinion from the Editor. The Editor supported Lottie, saying that if he had £5 for every time he’d sat in a court listening to defendants claim they were reformed characters he’d be riding round in a new Ferrari. The Editor added that whilst, normally, he was in favour of giving a convicted felon a second chance, the 1974 Rehabilitation of Criminals Act did not apply where his newsletter was concerned. Although Lottie had no idea what this meant she nevertheless passed the message onto Bella - who didn’t understand it either, but accepted it and kept quiet just in case it meant that even more of her criminal activities had come to light.

Flinders was turned down at Gemma’s suggestion. Flinders, Gemma pointed out, had a list of offences as long as her tail for chewing everything she could get her teeth into. Second only to Bruno for unreliability, she simply could not be trusted with anything chewable - particularly pencils. Lottie said that, providing Flinders was not allowed anywhere near the pencils, and as long as she was kept separate from Bruno, there was no reason why she couldn’t be considered for the occasional small job.

Emma withdrew her application when she discovered that the Assistant Deputy Editor had nothing to do with looking after the wine gums and the digestive biscuits.

Lucy would have applied but she didn’t like the idea of being bossed about by her daughter Lottie.

Penny was too busy with her new puppies.

Molly didn’t apply. Being a comparative newcomer she didn’t think she stood a chance. Also – being a successful show dog – she had better things to do with her time, and needed to be ready for any shows coming up.

Mitzy’s application was the last to be looked at. Gemma was astounded that Mitzy even had the nerve to apply, considering she had very recently bitten the Editor’s nose. Mitzy had claimed that the nose-biting had been an accident when she’d been trying to catch a fly, but both Lottie and Gemma knew perfectly well - as did everybody else at Little Foxes - that Mitzy was a dreadful liar and never told the truth when a perfectly good lie would do. Lottie did point out that being a liar was not necessarily a handicap to a reporter. Lottie further pointed out to Gemma that whilst Mitzy was her assistant, anything that went wrong could be blamed on Mitzy and nobody would be surprised. Gemma caustically remarked that everything that went wrong almost certainly would be Mitzy’s fault. Lottie finally convinced Gemma by arguing that if everything went right she could take the credit, and if everything went wrong she could blame Mitzy. Lottie said that from her point of view there was no downside.

Mitzy was informed of the outcome.

The rest of the residents of Little Foxes were informed of Lottie's choice, and - particularly in the cases of the unsuccessful applicants – were absolutely mortified at Mitzy’s appointment to the post of Assistant Deputy Editor. During a very acrimonious confrontation all the other residents told Lottie in no uncertain terms what they thought of the idea of Mitzy’s new job.

The only comforting thought was that nobody – except Lottie - thought Mitzy would last five minutes.

 Peggy’s New Coat

Peggy recently had her coat stripped by The Boss and because the weather was turning a bit cooler, and Peggy obviously was feeling the cold, she was outfitted with a custom designed body-warmer – made from camouflage coloured material. Peggy thought the ‘camo’ would help her to sneak up on things. Sam remarked that the biggest and clumsiest elephant in the world was probably quieter than Peggy when she was trying to sneak around.

On a trip to Little Foxes, Peggy wore her body-warmer and most of the residents decided they’d like one, especially Mitzy, who – seething with envy – said she desperately needed one because she’d been beaten up by three other dogs after her chattering teeth had kept them awake for five nights running (of course, nobody seemed to know anything about it).

The co-operation of her owner taken for granted, Peggy took orders for nine body-warmers – including a Kevlar reinforced one for Mitzy, who said she didn’t want any old body-warmer. She wanted a nice posh, snazzy-looking one; just like the one Peggy had – only much better.

Gone Abroad

Two of The Boss’s puppies have travelled to far distant places over the last twelve months.

First to go was Lady, who travelled all the way to Hong Kong in December - replacing Oscar, who died at the good age of seventeen. Oscar had been in Hong Kong since he was thirteen. Lady travelled with no problems and arrived safely, to be met at the airport by her new owners.

Second to go was Gwerny, who went to Germany in July – accompanied by The Boss's husband, who spent a week with Gwerny’s new family. Gwerny caused a stir on the aircraft; she was allowed out of her box and both the crew and passengers alike made a fuss of her. Gwerny travelled very well and, needless to say, arrived safely.

All the residents of Little Foxes asked Gemma - who as Chief Dog was expected to know everything – where Hong Kong was.

Gemma hadn’t got the faintest clue and decided to bluff it out.

“Go out through the big gate,” she said, “follow the track across the field, over the cattle grid to the lane. Turn left into the lane and follow it all the way into the village. Hong Kong will be sign-posted.”

Everybody readily accepted Gemma’s dubious explanation.

 Daring Theft of  Evening Meal

   Bruno Strikes Again!

The Boss recently decided to treat herself to a roast chicken for her evening meal and left half of it for her husband, who was due to return later in the evening, following a long trip.

Bruno, unfortunately, decided to stake his claim to it and got it first.

The Boss said she only turned her head for a second or two. Bruno leapt onto the work surface, grabbed the roasted chicken, and gobbled it down before the Boss could even act. Needless to say, all the other dogs present in the kitchen helped Bruno as best as they could.

Assistant Deputy Editor Suspended!

Pending Enquiry

 “I warned Lottie,” said Gemma.

Mitzy claimed - “It wasn't my fault.”

Mitzy was recently suspended from her post of Assistant Deputy Editor following the mysterious disappearance of Lottie's only draft copy of the newsletter, and of all the Editor’s pencils and most of the erasers.

The facts have been very difficult to ascertain because Lottie - the only reliable [sic] witness - was not actually present in the kitchen at the time of the disappearances. She’d apparently left Mitzy in charge for a few minutes, giving her strict instructions that under no circumstances whatsoever was she to allow anybody to touch anything.

Mitzy said that Lottie had only been gone a few seconds when Bruno and Flinders trooped in. Flinders claimed she’d been given permission to sharpen the pencils, and Mitzy tried to stop her getting at them. While she was doing this, Bruno started rummaging through the newsletter – looking to see if his picture was in it, he said. As soon as Mitzy turned her attention to Bruno, Flinders grabbed all the pencils and ran out. Mitzy did her best to catch her, but couldn’t, and when she got back into the kitchen Bruno had eaten the newsletter.

Lottie arrived back to find a very unhappy Mitzy hiding under The Boss’s chair.

“I nearly fainted when I couldn’t find the newsletter,” stated Lottie, “and I hate to think what the Editor’s going to say. It was the only copy; it was Mitzy‘s fault, but I expect he’ll blame me.”

The general consensus of opinion amongst the other dogs, was that Lottie was less concerned about the eating of the newsletter and more concerned that the Editor would be sufficiently annoyed not to bring her next supply of Butchers Tripe.

Bruno was interviewed and denied all knowledge of anything; he claimed he was snoozing in his run at the time of the alleged offence, and added that any body who believed Mitzy needed their brains testing. He also said that Bella had been with him the whole time and could vouch for his innocence.

Bella was cast between the devil and the deep blue sea. She wasn’t bothered about Mitzy, of course - nobody was - but if she supported Bruno’s lie she ran the very real risk of being found out, and consequently incurring the Editor’s wrath. On the other hand, if she didn’t support Bruno, he’d hinted of possibilities not pleasant to dwell on.

In the end Bella opted to stand on what the Americans refer to as the “5th Amendment” and what the British Legal system calls “The Right To Remain Silent”.

Flinders, when interviewed by Lottie and Gemma, wasn’t in the position to deny anything. Apart from being a well-known pencil-chewer with a long string of offences and convictions, the undeniable evidence of approximately ten well-chewed and useless pencils was found in her bed.

In mitigation, she blamed Mitzy - saying Mitzy had insisted that Flinders could take away the pencils to sharpen them. Flinders added, somewhat illogically, that they were cheap, shoddy pencils anyway, and it wasn’t her fault if she couldn’t get a decent point on any of them.

For the first time in the history of Little Foxes, Mitzy’s version of events was actually believed. Lottie decided to put the whole issue to the Editor, and Gemma suggested that for the time being Mitzy - who to say the very least was totally incompetent – should be suspended. Lottie agreed and in desperation asked Emma if she would care-take the post for a short time. Emma agreed - on the proviso that she could have ready access to the wine gums and the digestive biscuits. It would be nice, Emma said, if she could have the occasional wine gum or biscuit in return for doing a very responsible job.

Lottie very foolishly agreed

Emma Appointed Temporary Assistant Deputy Editor

Pending Inquiry into Mitzy's incompetence

Following Mitzy's suspension, Emma said she was very pleased  to care-take the position of Assistant Deputy Editor while Mitzy was in disgrace

Mitzy Beaten Up!

Furore over ownership of a jacket potato!

“I was left for dead,” Mitzy complained.

Bella reported:

“It was a bit difficult to establish what happened, and I can only report what I personally saw.”

Lottie said that Bella would personally have seen a great deal more if she hadn’t been one of leading protagonists trying to wrestle the jacket potato off Mitzy.

Bella went on, ignoring Lottie: “The Boss had finished her meal, and both her and her husband left the room and went into the kitchen to make the coffee. Instead of waiting her turn, Mitzy jumped onto a chair, got on the table and grabbed the potato. Then she ran under the table with it and attacked every body who tried to get near enough to share it.”

Lucy said that Mitzy didn’t get chance to attack anybody, because Bella and Rosie jumped on her and grabbed the potato.

Geanna said it was Lucy and Bella who jumped on Mitzy, while Rosie seemed to be biting Mitzy’s tail.

Bella insisted she was an innocent bystander - a hackneyed phrase used by Bella with monotonous regularity, and casually ignored by the rest of the residents - and stated that she had nothing to do with beating up Mitzy.

Flinders said she noticed that Emma got half the potato.

Mitzy said she threw the potato at Emma because she feared for her life.

Emma confirmed that Mitzy threw half of the potato to her in desperation to get rid of it. Emma added that she’d definitely seen Flinders biting one of Mitzy’s ears.

Bruno (not present during the incident, but determined to have his say anyway) said - quite unnecessarily - that if he’d been there, there’d have been no potato to squabble over, and nobody disputed his claim.

Whatever the circumstances, it’s a certainty that the authorities will never know for certain who actually had the jacket potato because the usual culprit, or suspect, (Bruno) wasn’t even there.

Mitzy was subsequently examined by The Boss and her initial claim of three broken legs, seven cracked ribs, a broken nose, three black eyes, and six loose teeth was established to be an exaggeration. However the Boss did find three respectable bites on Mitzy, which at least proved that she’d got the worst of the squabble over the jacket potato.

Mitzy hobbled off to her box, demanding to see a plastic surgeon.

Mitzy Starts A Panic!

The recent fuel shortage rumour threw Mitzy into a panic when she overheard The Boss talking on the telephone to the Editor. The Boss had mentioned it was time to get the monthly supply of dog food and remarked to the Editor that she hoped the predicted fuel shortages wouldn’t cause any problems.

Mitzy immediately flew into a panic and told Bella there was hardly any food left. Bella promptly told Flinders there was no food at all. Flinders, in turn, told Bruno the food had all gone and the Boss wasn’t getting any more. Bruno passed the report on to Geanna, adding that The Boss’s husband had spent all the food money on his stamp collection. Geanna told Lucy, and Lucy passed an admirably embellished version of the message to Emma.

Emma repeated everything to Mitzy. Mitzy - who’d started the rumour in the first place - now, of course, was convinced it was genuine because it had been confirmed by one of the other residents.

By the time the rumour - suitably converted to definite facts - reached Gemma, every imaginable variation of the rumour was being repeated by the Residents..

Gemma decided to establish what was fact and what was imagination and held an inquiry in the kitchen.

Mitzy wasn’t present, because unbeknownst to everybody else, the Editor had arrived with an estate car full of dog food, and Mitzy was supervising its unloading, blissfully unaware and equally unconcerned with the fuss she had caused.

After lugging 30 crates of dog food and three sacks of meal, the Editor was less than impressed when Mitzy wanted to know where everybody else's was.

Temporary Assistant Deputy Editor Sacked!

“It wasn’t temporary enough,” complained Bruno. “What on earth was Lottie thinking of, leaving Emma in charge of the wine gums and digestive biscuits.”

“We were better off with Mitzy,” added the others.

The discrepancy was actually discovered by Bruno, who said he noticed – in passing – that the biscuit cupboard was wide open, and when he looked inside he couldn’t help but see it was empty. He conveniently forgot to mention that the biscuit cupboard was only barely open when he passed it, and it took ten minutes to open it wide enough to get in and help himself, only to find there was nothing left to help himself to.

Emma said although she might have had the odd one or two - or even three or four - it was preposterous to suggest she’d eaten eleven packets of digestive biscuits and six bags of wine gums, although under cross-examination she was unable to explain how she actually knew there were eleven packets of digestive biscuits and six bags of wine gums.

Mitzy’s alleged inefficiency paled into insignificance alongside the theft of the biscuits and wine gums, and all the residents wasted no time in letting Lottie know it. It was made very clear they held Lottie fully responsible for the re-stocking of the cupboard.

“At least when Mitzy was Second-in-Command-to-Lottie,” Bruno commented, “she didn’t help herself to all the biscuits and wine gums.”

Mitzy, who was sitting out of sight and - uncharacteristically - keeping very quiet, made a mental note of where the biscuits and wine gums were kept for future reference.

Lottie said she’d speak with the Editor on the subject of re-instating Mitzy.


Health & Care

Photo Galleries

Flynders & Bindi's Pages


Your New Puppy

Fun Stuff

The Newsletter

Wireville Pages

Contacts & Links